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This page needs good jokes badly.Please do contribute by mailing them to jnmcaligarh@rediffmail.com

JoKes list

JoKe no. 1

1. Do not touch or attempt to touch a UFO that has landed. Passing
through the Earth's atmosphere the skin of the craft will be hot.
There is also a possibility of radiation. There is also a chance
of steam being produced from the heated hull at the landing site.
2. Do not stand under a hovering UFO at low altitude. There is a
possibility of radiation danger.
3. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ALIENS if they appear, any movement on
your part may constitute an act of aggression. If possible,
back away VERY slowly. Make no gestures what so ever.
4. If possible note the time and take a photograph if possible.
Note the shape and size of the craft, use nearby objects for
a size comparison.
5. Do not touch any artifact from an alien spacecraft, the artifact
may be dangerous, leave this to the authorites.
6. Get away from the area QUICKLY. Inform the local authorites or
the military.

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Joke no.2

A man from Boston had spent an entire evening listening to a Texan brag about the heroes of the Alamo. Finally the Texan said, "I'll bet you never had anyone that brave in Boston."
"Have you ever heard of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian.
"Paul Revere?" said the Texan. "Oh, yes. Wasn't he the fellow who ran for help?"

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Joke no.3

A guy, walking down the sidewalk, sees a couple coming the other way. He stares at the girl.
Her boyfriend says, "Have you got a problem?"
He says, "Yeah, I want to go out with her, but I don't have her phone number."

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Joke no.4

Two students were taking a college chemistry course. They did pretty well on all the work going into the final. They did so well, in fact, that they each had a solid A grade.
Having such a good grade made them so cocky that they decided to party with some friends rather than study. They had such a good time that they did not get back on campus until early on the morning of the final.
Rather than take the final in their condition, they told the professor that they had been on their way back in plenty of time to study but got a flat tire. They had no spare and had great difficulty getting help, so they asked to take a makeup exam at a later date.
The professor agreed that they could take the test the next day. The students were overjoyed and studied that night, confident that they would keep their good grade.
They were on time at the examination hall and were placed in separate rooms. Each was handed a test booklet and told to begin.
The first problem was quite easy and worth five points. Their confidence soared even higher! They completed the problem and turned the page.
It said, "For 95 points, Which tire?"

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Joke no.5

Coming home from work, a man performed a rolling stop at a stop sign (That is, he didn't stop completely. He slowed down enough to see if it was safe to proceed.). Unfortunately, his minor infraction was noticed by a policeman.
Pulling him over, the policeman told him why he had pulled him over.
"Can't you let me off with just a warning this time, officer?" asked the man?
"I'm afraid not," said the policeman, "the law is the law and you must learn to obey it."
"Give me a break," protested the man, "I slowed down. There wasn't any danger."
With that, the policeman drew his nightstick and proceeded to beat on the man's car.
Horrified, the man yelled, "Stop it!"
The policeman paused for a moment and said "Would you really like me to stop or just slow down?"

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Joke no.6

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hot Line ...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

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Joke no.7

A beggar approached a dignified and elegant gentleman and asked, "Mister, would you please give me a quarter for a cup of coffee?" The gentleman responded haughtily, "I gave you a quarter just an hour ago," to which the beggar responded, "Mister, stop living in the past!"

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Joke no.8

A husband has worried about what the neighbors will think for too long!
His wife says, "I'm going to strip off all my clothes and mow the lawn naked. Then what would the neighbors think?"
He says," They'd think I married you for your money."

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Joke no.9

A salesman parked his foreign sports car in front of the general store. When he came out of the store, a farmer was looking the car over. "Well, how do you like it?" asked the salesman. The farmer replied, "Picked it before it was ripe, didn't you?"
In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?"
"Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?"

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Joke no.10

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A child playing in front of his house saw him and called, "What are you hauling?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the child.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the child advised him. "We put sugar and cream on them."

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