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| THE FOLLOWING ARE COMMON SENSE WARNINGS WHEN DEALING WITH A UFO |
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| 1. Do not touch or attempt to touch a UFO that has landed. Passing |
| through the Earth's atmosphere the skin of the craft will be hot. |
| There is also a possibility of radiation. There is also a chance |
| of steam being produced from the heated hull at the landing site. |
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| 2. Do not stand under a hovering UFO at low altitude. There is a |
| possibility of radiation danger. |
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| 3. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CONTACT ALIENS if they appear, any movement on |
| your part may constitute an act of aggression. If possible, |
| back away VERY slowly. Make no gestures what so ever. |
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| 4. If possible note the time and take a photograph if possible. |
| Note the shape and size of the craft, use nearby objects for |
| a size comparison. |
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| 5. Do not touch any artifact from an alien spacecraft, the artifact |
| may be dangerous, leave this to the authorites. |
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| 6. Get away from the area QUICKLY. Inform the local authorites or |
| the military. |
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| . |
| Two students were taking a college chemistry course. They did pretty well on all the work going into the final. They did so well, in fact, that they each had a solid A grade. |
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| Having such a good grade made them so cocky that they decided to party with some friends rather than study. They had such a good time that they did not get back on campus until early on the morning of the final. |
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| Rather than take the final in their condition, they told the professor that they had been on their way back in plenty of time to study but got a flat tire. They had no spare and had great difficulty getting help, so they asked to take a makeup exam at a later date. |
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| The professor agreed that they could take the test the next day. The students were overjoyed and studied that night, confident that they would keep their good grade. |
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| They were on time at the examination hall and were placed in separate rooms. Each was handed a test booklet and told to begin. |
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| The first problem was quite easy and worth five points. Their confidence soared even higher! They completed the problem and turned the page. |
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| It said, "For 95 points, Which tire?" |
| Coming home from work, a man performed a rolling stop at a stop sign (That is, he didn't stop completely. He slowed down enough to see if it was safe to proceed.). Unfortunately, his minor infraction was noticed by a policeman. |
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| Pulling him over, the policeman told him why he had pulled him over. |
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| "Can't you let me off with just a warning this time, officer?" asked the man? |
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| "I'm afraid not," said the policeman, "the law is the law and you must learn to obey it." |
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| "Give me a break," protested the man, "I slowed down. There wasn't any danger." |
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| With that, the policeman drew his nightstick and proceeded to beat on the man's car. |
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| Horrified, the man yelled, "Stop it!" |
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| The policeman paused for a moment and said "Would you really like me to stop or just slow down?" |
| Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hot Line ... |
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| If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. |
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| If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. |
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| If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. |
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| If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. |
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| If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. |
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| If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. |
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